The Neighbors Next Door

When you purchase a new home there is always the nagging questions about the new neighbors potentially next door. Who are they? Will they be friendly? Will they be quiet and maintain their properties?

As a married couple we have lived in six different houses in two different states, New Jersey and North Carolina. Our first home was a small Cape Cod style. When we finally moved in, still naive and awe-struck to be owning a house, we looked out our front window and realized we had purchased a house across from what looked like a junk yard and a home in poor condition. There were parked cars, an old travel trailer, and junk galore. It looked like the vehicles had not moved in ages. We learned later the property was a source of contention with the rest of the neighbors.

When we purchased our second home just up the street, our neighbor trapped squirrels and showed our young children how to “dispose” of them. I would not be surprised to hear that our children may still be experiencing nightmares from that encounter!

We then built a new home across town where we met our first “party-animal” neighbors living next door. With the new neighbors’ two young teens, there were parties almost every weekend. The noise level was unbearable and the parties never seemed confined to the neighbor’s property. It frequently spilled over onto our property. We had to install a high fence to keep the partygoers on the right side.

Our next home was a duplex, still in the same town. You could see our first and second home from our then fourth home. We ended up with our best neighbors … our daughter and her family. They were fun years having grandkids next-door.

Our fifth home was at the seashore, ten blocks from the ocean. One neighbor always had an issue with us. He was a curmudgeon of sorts who did not want anyone stepping foot on his property. There was a 100-year-old sycamore tree in our front yard that would give me nightmares when nor’easter storms came up the coast. When we had it removed the neighbor would not allow anyone to step on this property to facilitate safe cutting. We almost caused a blackout when limbs began hitting the electrical lines and lights flickered.

When a new concrete driveway was about to be poured, the elderly man had me reduce the size two inches, claiming it was infringing on his property. I acquiesced to avoid a conflict.

When we moved to our home in North Carolina, we prayed we would have great neighbors on both adjacent properties. Well our prayers were answered, and we ended up with two great neighbors.

I believe there is a lesson in that experience. Before we embark on any journey ask the Lord to make a way, protect you and provide great friends.

Happy adventures. Hope you meet some great people along the way!

Robert Parlante

February 2017

A Tangled Web of Steps

Got to thinking about the one and only blind date I ever went on. It was not a Valentine’s Day event, but this past week of celebrating love got me reflecting back to that key moment and how it changed my life forever. The planned double date included another couple. But then it got complicated. As Sir Walter Scott wrote in the play Marmion, “Oh what a tangled web we weave ...”

The other couple were friends of mine, he being a fraternity brother and his girlfriend was Jill (name changed). There was an upcoming frat party and Jill had a friend who wanted to attend the party. The schedule would work out well for her since her steady boyfriend was away at school. She would be able to go and her boyfriend would have no clue. Now all they had to do was find a date for Jill’s friend. That’s where I came into the picture.

My fraternity brother and Jill tried to convince me to go on a double date with them. I resisted because I had already been dating someone and recently broke off the relationship. I was in engineering school at the time and had little free time or money to maintain a relationship. I did not want to get involved in a blind date. My friend’s girlfriend begged me to go out just once with her good friend. In a moment of weakness, I agreed reluctantly with the double date proposal.

But the web became more tangled when the other half of my blind date learned her boyfriend was coming home from college unexpectedly. She canceled out. If my friends had told me I would have been happy to cancel the date myself!

Instead my friend and Jill scrambled to find me a substitute date for the party. Jill was in nursing school and zeroed in on one young lady. She declined the whole idea. She had no interest in blind dates. Pleading did not help. The answer was no, no! But perseverance paid off and she finally acquiesced. And the rest is history. The last-minute substitute date turned out later to be my future wife.

The Lord has a way of making sense out of the muddle of life. Humans, by nature, tend to weave tangled paths through life. We cannot always make sense of all the stops and detours we encounter.

When that happens, reflect upon Proverbs 16:9 - “We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.”

The Lord does not wish for us to live chaotically. But it does happen. We are left with two choices. Face the confusion and do our best to moderate our circumstances. Or, trust in the Lord that our steps are ordered and believe there will be a Godly outcome even when it’s not the one we wanted. Being at peace is a choice.

I never expected to meet my future wife on that double date. But that outcome was infinitely better than I could have planned or anticipated.

Robert Parlante

February 2017

Family Dogs - Shilah

Let me introduce you to Shilah who is a dog who came originally from North Carolina. She was saved from a kill shelter by a New Jersey group and brought to PetSmart for adoption. Our son’s family adopted her. The rescue group drove a Winnebago camper to the kill shelter and saved as many dogs they could for the trip back to PetSmart.

A month prior to Shilah’s adoption our son’s wife lost her father after a long illness. Her father, a proud American and a war veteran, was an avid animal lover and supporter of the ASPCA. The family thought their adoption of Shilah felt like a memorial to her father who was interned in a military ceremony. The family affectionately referred to Shilah as their little soldier who is always ready for battle!

The information on Shilah indicated the adopted dog was an Australian Shepherd mix. She does not look like that breed. Her body type suggests Chow and her ruff fur, black tongue and curled-up tail strongly suggest that heredity. True Chow behavior usually means dog and people aggressive and not friendly.

The first time I met her she tried to attack me for entering the family home. If I tried to pat her head, she would snap at me. Didn’t this dog know I’m a family-member and a dog lover? I thought dogs sensed fear and friendliness. What’s with the hostility?

Aggression and protection are part of Chow disposition. Shilah is loyal to the family members who are convinced their pet dog would fight to the death to protect them. She adores her family. (Especially since they are giving her treats all the time!)

Shilah and I have reached a point in our relationship where we somewhat trust each other. She has given me tentative approval to enter her home to visit without being attacked. I sense she struggles with that approval like she’s still debating the thought of attacking me. She still barks like crazy, but I stride into the house undeterred by her outburst. I found that to be the key: pretend you are not afraid! I weigh at least a 150 lbs. more than Shilah. That must count for something in this version of a David versus Goliath clash of wills.

But there’s not much solace in that referenced battle since David was the victor. Bigger is no guarantee of success.

Shilah gives “kisses” on command, usually a slight brush of her nose against your face. Our son suggested a man-dog bonding, a kiss from Shilah and then offering her a treat. Uneasiness once again washed over me. Would Shilah use the opportunity to take advantage of the closeness? Would she bite my nose with that kiss?

Well it turns out, Shilah would do just about anything for a treat. Her kiss was tentative. The treat was gobbled up in the blink of an eye. And thankfully, my nose remains intact.

Have we bonded? I’ll let you know after a few more visits!

Robert Parlante
February 2017

Family Dogs - Remy

This is the second installment about dogs in my family. Hopefully, many of the readers of this blog love dogs. Dog lovers are a special group of people who appreciate all the positive attributes of dog ownership. Pets are loyal, color-blind and can sense our emotional state. They can be a source of comfort at just the right time.

Our youngest daughter’s family dog is named Remy. He is a pit bull. The first time I heard they had purchased a pit bull, I figured I would never again enter their home unless the dog was on a chain or crated. The words “pit bull” have a way of feeding into our deepest fears about dogs.

Remy was purchased from an individual, who likely thought of himself as a “breeder”. The man had three dogs for sale, two females and one male. The three were living outside in a cardboard box and had never spent any time indoors. Remy was covered with mange and fleas, looking like he had flunked out of aggression class 101. The two females were selected by one buyer while the tan-colored male was bought by my son-in-law. When showed some kindness, Remy responded positively to the gesture. He was taken home to join a household with an existing German Shorthair named Eddie.

(Now Eddie is a whole other story! He has eaten stuffed cloth animals, frozen hotdogs still encased in plastic wrap, and an entire pot of tomato sauce and meatballs pulled off the stove-top. This dog clearly had food issues and would bark incessantly until you respond with attention and food.)

It took some time for Remy and Eddie to co-exist peacefully. The German Shorthair looked for food continuously, but quickly learned that Remy’s food was off limits. Yet Remy is not without his share of idiosyncrasies.

He is placid, most times. He wags his tail when he sees me, but gets wary when I wear a baseball cap or dark clothing. It takes him a few moments to adjust to the “new” me. The funniest attribute of Remy is that he eats paper. You have heard the excuse, “The dog ate my homework!” No teacher ever believed it was true.

Well, Remy has eaten homework and more! He will eat mail, cardboard, newspaper. If you leave any paper where it could be retrieved, it will likely become a snack.

Once Remy got a taste of indoor living, his lifestyle changed. He never seems to enjoy being outdoors for any length of time. If he went outside to do his business, he would quickly return indoors, preferring the security of close quarters, especially his crate or favorite armchair.

The best part of knowing Remy is his calm demeanor and his “smiley face” If you ask him for a smiley face, he actually mimics a grin, flashing his teeth. It’s like he is telling us he’s glad to be part of his adopted family. I sense what else is going through his thoughts with that smile …

Indoor living sure beats living outdoors!

Robert Parlante

February 2017